A Cup of Coffee

In baseball terms, a “cup of coffee” refers to a brief call up to the Big Leagues. This means that the players’ stint in The Majors lasted about as long as the time it takes to drink a cup of coffee.

In my case, I never had what it took to make “the Show”. I ran like an umpire, my fielding skills were reminiscent of Frankenstein chasing after a moth, and I couldn’t hit a basketball with a tennis racket. But the baseball gods decided I was fit for another role, relegated to a 90 second appearance on the field during the 5^th inning every night.

In my life outside of baseball, a cup of coffee literally and figuratively saved my life. After over two decades of constant alcohol consumption I had finally become sick and tired of being sick and tired. I went to a place that I knew little about; all I really known about it was that it could possibly help and there was always fresh coffee available. Immediately after entering that room for the first time, I filled a cup with some hot fresh brew and it hasn’t emptied since.

On that day, I traded alcohol for coffee.

I consider it one of the most lopsided trades since the Red Sox traded Babe Ruth to the Yankees; the beer companies lost one of their most loyal customers, while I slowly but surely began to regain what I had lost as a result of that loyalty. I regained what I had lost and then some. I gained some things I never had or even understood before.

Serenity. It’s a feeling where everything is at peace, inside and out. I constantly have moments of joy where I think to myself “I would never have experienced this with a beer in my hand.” When I first started having these moments, I would be amazed by Gods Grace in my life. Often, I felt undeserving. Was it really possible to feel this good, this soon after recently having thoughts of that final solution to a temporary problem? And like a man wiser than myself once said, most of my problems, even those (seemingly) unrelated to alcohol either disappeared altogether or at the least became more manageable.

It’s not a surprise to me that during the very first moment I felt true serenity, I had a cup of coffee in my hand.  I was sipping a cup while on the front porch of my Aunt Jolene's house on an unseasonably warm  evening in December 2010. The sunset was majestic; with its red, yellow and orange colors painting the clouds and the skies. I smile and thought to myself “Yup, if I keep doing what I’m doing, I will feel like this all the time.”

It was around that time where I started drinking up to 8 cups of coffee per day. Probably not the best thing for my health but a hell of a lot better than my previous beverage of choice. Many a night would find me brewing a pot after midnight, especially in the midst of a major writing groove. I’d reheat whatever was left he next morning and go about my usual day; looking for steady work, reading, writing and reading some more. When I would have my sons with me for a few days, it would crush me to send them home so as soon as they were gone, I’d go straight to 7-11 and get a fresh cup. It was a welcome comfort during trying times.

After many sleepless evenings, when my mind was ready to sleep but my body just wouldn’t settle down, I started to mix with it a little decaf so I wouldn’t be jittery all night. This mix is usually adjusted depending on what my plans/obligations were for the rest of the day.

Coffee used to be strictly a morning thing for me but nowadays, it’s not uncommon for me to stop on the way home after a day out with the family for a cup. I usually go heavy on the decaf on these occasions; due to the fact that my internal clock has me awake when most others sleep. To add more caffeine to that would all but guarantee that I’ll be awake well past sunrise and toss and turn for another hour before actually falling asleep. Sometimes I tend to rush into the day and leave little time to eat and this causes me to get a little jittery, but I’d take that over a hangover any day. I call that yet another trade that I’ve benefitted from greatly.

I love that I can always get a hot cup on the job around midnight. If my workday is not going so well, that first sip reminds me of that day on my aunts porch and while this may sound a little corny, all my worries either wither away or at least shrink to a point where they’re unnoticeable.

 New Years Eve 2010 was my first sober New Year since 1990. On that night, my oldest son Trevor asked me “Daddy, why do you drink so much coffee?” I explained that I did it because I didn’t drink beer anymore. He replied “I like it when you drink coffee, you’re nicer.” Not that I needed any more incentive to stay sober, but I consider one of the most cherished moments in my entire life. Building upon that, I am humbled and grateful to know that my daughter has never seen me take a drink and as long as I continue on this path, she never will.

But of all the great memories I have; sharing a cup with my Mom on many a Sunday morning before heading out to the stadium and later, the ballpark; of having coffee by the campfire with my Grandpa Joe; all the cups shared with others who walk the same path I now walk and the morning wakeups I had at the Knott’s Hotel on our Honeymoon, you know what I like best about it?

There’s no Last Call for coffee…