On
October 18th, 2010 I could not have imagined three days without a
drink, much less three years. I knew I couldn’t keep drinking if I wanted to
continue existing. I say existing because by that time, I wasn’t really living.
So I did the only thing there was left to do. I surrendered. There’s a word
that never sounds good, unless you’re talking about Cheap Trick. But I
surrendered and that’s why I am able to write this today.
Not long
after that lonely October night, a good friend, confidant and advisor of mine
shared his own personal story of surrender. He served three tours in Vietnam ,
so the word surrender was even more disgusting to him than it was to me. Yet
surrender he did and now he lives a serene life, content and productive life.
To me,
surrender always meant giving up and as far as that goes, I consider giving up
the only true failure. But I soon learned that the type of surrender that was
required of me was to be one of the most important decisions of my life.
It was suggested
that I surrender my will and my life over to God as I understand him. Not the perception of God according to someone
else, but what my heart and soul believed of God. This was vital; as for many
years I had been admonished to view God and my spiritual path in the way others
did, to understand God through someone
else’s perception.Following nearly 20 years of careless decisions, I finally made a decision that looked towards the future rather than the immediate moment. The decision to surrender provided me with the tools to do the job right. I already had the knowhow; I just didn’t know it, if that makes any sense.
I view
my day of surrender thusly; have you ever yearned to learn something; to know
something, to do something you’ve never done before? Have you done it? Or at
have you at least made an attempt? Whether it’s writing a book, jumping out of
a plane or backpacking across Europe; I’m sure reading those last few lines has
brought something to mind for you. Maybe you’ve done those things. If so, was
there any sort of fear, of reservation? Maybe you’re blessed with that
unquenchable desire to face any and all fears you may have. If so, my hat is
off to you. I know I’m not. Or at least, was not for a very long time. I’m
getting there though and progress is all I can hope for.
I had to
go out into the Great Unknown; I had to live a life that I wasn’t actually
prepared for and yes, I had to do a certain level of thinking beyond my
upbringing. Surely there was more to life than I was taught. There comes a time
where a man must take what he has learned and seek knowledge of his own. On
that note; what he learns is heavily rooted in the opinions of those he is raised among/raised by; which are sometimes
very skewed from or even totally absent of universal truths and principles.
As an
adult; I did a fine job of screwing things up myself, thank you very much. But
as a child, it was kind of monkey see-monkey do. We were often getting punished
for doing the same things we saw our influences doing; for speaking the same
words they spoke, for acting the way they acted. “Do as I say, not as I do”. I didn’t hear those words often; but
words and actions spoke that saying to me many times over. I’m not talking
about how every kid asks their parents “But
how come you guys get to stay up late?”
Thinking beyond your upbringing might come
hard to some, and impossible to others. It is a way of thinking that has its
roots in my childhood. And at times, I was called all kinds of colorful things
when I did so; just as I likely will when ReBuilding
Rudy: A Blueprint For a Better Life is released.
But
surrendering taught me how to think beyond my upbringing, thinking beyond my
upbringing helped bring me to where I am today.
Had I
not surrendered my will and my life over to God as I understand him, I would not have:
Two book
contracts plus verbal interest in future projects including an inside view of the
service industry as well as a novel of modern Old West fiction.
A spiritual
path and awareness that surpasses anything previous in my life.A renewed sense of purpose brought on by the true sacred union of my family.
I could
go on and on, but those are three of the biggest points, saving the best for
last. I planned on writing something much longer, much more detailed. After
all, that’s kind of my habit. But I’ve also learned that there’s nothing wrong
with being short, direct and to the point. Rather than a recap of what life has
been , I chose to share what I’ve learned.
And one thing I’ve learned is that there’s
some truth to what Cheap Trick said so many years ago,“Surrender, but don’t give yourself away…”
