Ahh late December, the time of year people make great plans
for change and toss those plans out with the last of the crumpled wrapping
paper. But before I get into that, I’ll look back on what has been another very
up and very down year.
The only person who, since childhood and through adulthood
told me I could accomplish anything I set my mind to passed away before 2014
was even a week old. My grandmother Helen Ress always stressed the value of
education and is the single most vital influence on me as a writer. When I
lived in New Mexico I once sent her a letter describing the land; the tall
mountains and the lonely trails I wandered, the wildlife I encountered. I
worried that the letter wasn’t good enough but when she responded, she
commended me for my writing skills. She had never been to that part of the
state but claimed my letter made her feel she had been there in person.Now, I know grandmas are supposed to say things like that to encourage us but as the years have moved along I wondered, maybe she’s onto something. These days, if I’m not writing, I’m thinking about writing. This Christmas was difficult, our first ever without her and yet another without my mom and both of my grandfathers. As bittersweet as the holiday was, an unexpected thought came to me on Christmas Day; my grandfather passed eighteen months before and my heart was warmed with the knowledge they were together, somewhere up there watching over us as we broke bread together in the same home they bought together over fifty years ago.
The day before Grandma Helen passed a huge blow was dealt to
the San Diego community; as our beloved Jerry Coleman was called for one last
mission into the heavens. 2014 wasn’t even a week old and losing my wallet and
car keys was the best thing to happen to me so far. Many of you my loyalty to
the hometown nine, a few of you know
The tragic news gave way to joyous happenings, as in
February my wife and I were blessed with news of the pending arrival of yet
another member of the Gonzales Tribe and in early Spring, we had another family
vacation at Knott’s Berry Farm; where I introduced my daughter Layla to the
smoked turkey leg.Summer brought with it more devastating, tragic news as Mr. Padre himself, Tony Gwynn passed away. I awoke to the news the day after Father’s Day and the coming weeks were filled with reflections on how deeply he impacted my life far beyond as a fan and former coworker. As I’ve written before, his impact on the man I am may never be known. Years after I am gone, my legacy may reflect something that would not have been had it not been for him.
Two weeks after Mr. Padre was called up to the real Big Show, I reached a milestone of my own; but turning forty was only one of many milestones reached in 2014. On October 19th, I humbly and gratefully celebrated four years of sobriety and it’s safe to say there had never been a four year stretch in which alcohol didn’t pass my lips and yes, I am talking about all of my years on this good earth. Reaching forty was big, achieving four years sober was bigger but both paled in comparison to what occurred just a week before I took that token. Chloe Helena Gonzales, whose name was decided upon during our drive up to Knott’s and partly inspired by my grandmother as well as my great aunt; was born. They say the more the pregnancies, the quicker the deliveries and up until Chloe, it was true. But this one wasn’t going to arrive until she was good and ready.
Less than an hour before she was born, I learned that Trevor
Hoffman, the man who inspired the name of my first born, would share a
birthdate with my daughter; our fourth
child. I mulled over the number four through the ensuing weeks, and more than
one person said “What a coincidence!”
My reply, while always good-natured, was very firm; “There is no such thing as coincidence, that’s just God working
anonymously.”
As 2014, the year Padres fans were rocked by the worst
one-two punch we’ll ever know, the year both sides of the Gonzales/Ress Tribes
lost an elder and the year Baby Chloe evened the count for my branch of the
Tribe, comes to a close, one word keeps flashing in my head.
Opportunity.
I erroneously thought
2015 would be the year of greatest opportunity I’ve ever known. Then I
realized, the opportunities were always there; new ones, ones that were always
there and most important, the realization that I have the ability to create my
own opportunities. Another non-coincidental happening was that Chloe was born
four years to the day I made the decision to change. On that day, I set aside a
time to meet with people who had created change of their own, in hopes of
finding ways of creating the changes I so desperately needed to make in my
life. As I sat and waited for this meeting, I learned another one was about to
commence nearby. Initially, I declined; since I had already decided to attend a
later meeting. Then I asked myself, out loud; “Do you want to wait to make a
change, or do you want to change now?”
I was half way to the car before I had an answer…
The desire for change is only the second step, the
recognition of the need for change is the first. I look upon New Year’s
Resolutions, which often don’t last as long as the colored lights on our
windows; in the same way I look at the day I decided to take the earlier
meeting. I didn’t make a resolution, I made a decision to change. If you’re so
inclined to make a resolution, make it now!
Change can only happen now, not later. Making the decision to change now starts
the changes, now. Waiting to change is the first step
toward ensuring the change never comes…
Happy New Year everyone.
Rudy
